再见2012。。。欢迎2013^_^ / Bye bye 2012...Welcome 2013...

今天是2013年的第一天。。我问自己有什么感想呢？新的一年自己要做什么？ 有什么目标？毕竟自己年纪也不小了。。

2012年是个怎么样的年呢？我说是个很快的年。。回想去年的今天，我才刚回到马来西亚。今年的今天。。我得准备回印度了。。

2012也可以说充满压力的一年。。工作顺不顺利我都没办法决定。。要说不顺。。也其实不太糟糕。。要说很好嘛。。也不见的。。可能我人生有少少比一般人乐观。。自己的私生活。。也还蛮不错的。。当然没有之前的那么甜蜜。。但。还是很好。。

这趟回国。。发现很多东西不一样了。。我说的不一样是从我自己的感受出发。。因为其他人看起来没变。。但就是那种感觉很不一样了。。每次与朋友相见。。就是有一种说不出来的怪感觉。。有时觉得我曾经喜欢那样的事？的东西？话题曾经是这样的？

我知道这不可以怪任何人。。因为我在变。。而大部分人是没有与我经历我的改变。。这个过程很多时候都只有那一两个人在我的身边。。我哪有权力去责怪他人不明白我呢？

2013的我在想。。我接下来要做什么？要走怎样的路？印度的日子在2013就要画上句点。。一方面我已经答应公司我不再续约。。当然对自己而言。。自己知道是怎么一回事。。知道自己为什么不要再继续做下去。。有时候，很难解释为什么我要放弃眼前他们认为的好工作。。有时真的就不要解释。。他们爱怎么说就怎么说。。

今天，我的阿姨来访。。看到我在收拾回印度的东西，就开始在问，这也要带？这也要买？在我心里，我在想，你没有出国那么久，当然不明白为什么这也要带，这也要买。。因为，理所当然的，印度杂货店会有买！哈哈哈。。但，我不可以责怪她，因为她不明白。。

有人说，离家的孩子会特别想家。。以前，我都不那么认为。。因为从小我就到处跑。这边生活营，那边露营。。现在的我，真的很明白这一句话，当然也很赞成。。在家短短的3个星期。。感觉到自己没有办法陪父母亲的那种无奈。。他们真的老了。。虽然，在表面上，我常说无所谓，不在乎，但我知道，我在乎。。

在这里，我问自己，理想与父母，我选什么？有没有可能我可以两样都选都要？我会贪心吗？

2013年。。将会是充满人生抉择的一年。。有一点前途茫然的感觉。。但，我相信我一定可以走下去。。我不能让自己失望，更不能让关心我的人担心。。。

那就勇敢的面对2013t与我自己的将来！ 加油！ Today is the first day of 2013..I asked myself how do I feel? What do I want to achieve this year? I am not young anymore.. How was 2012? I would say 2012 was really fast!!! Last year today, I just came back for, India to Malaysia..but this year, I m preparing to go back... 2012 also was a stressful year..I cannot decide whether stressful is from my work..coz if my work is not very smooth and easy but also not too bad..may be I am a bit more positive with normal people..my personal life is pretty good too.. This annual leave back to Malaysia, there are a lot of funny feeling towards people around me..especially when I met with my old friends..this feeling became very heavy..sometime I asked myself, was I like that before? Those topics were the topics that I interested? Was I do stuff like that? I know I cannot blame anybody..because I am the one who had changed..and people that are here mostly weren't in my process of develope or grow.. 2013 of me thinking of, what do I want to do in the future? India life is going to come an end in 2013..where is my next destination? Even though had decided and agree with company that I am going to leave at September.. I know what are my personal reasonssss. Most of the time I try to explain to people that think my job is the most perfect in the universe that I want to leave my job..is very difficult..sometimes..I even lazy to try to explain..I just let them think what they want to... Today,my Aunt came and visited my mom..I was in the process trying to pack all the stuffs that I want to bring back to India..she saw a lot of stuffs and she said why you need to buy this or why you need to bring this? In my brain I was like..you won't understand why..because in your logic all this things will logically appear in supermarket in india! There is a Chinese saying that...children that left home for work or study or whatever reason will miss home very much..i never agree with this saying..when I was young, I always went camping and seminar..even during my university life..this wasn't that serious and I din realise that..but now..I really understand it..I agree with it very much..only about 3 weeks that I am home..I can feel the annoyed and frustration that I cannot spend more time with my parents..they really getting older..may be I always don show about my feeling..but I care..I do care! At this moment, I asked myself, what do I want?do I want to follow my dream or do I want to choose parents? I actually want to have both in my hand..do I greedy? I am sure that 2013 will be a year full of important decisions..it decide where. Am going to be next and what my next 10years going to look like..I am afraid!but I am sure,I can overcome all the challenge..I cannot let myself down. Especially those people that love me and care about me.. Let me bravely welcome 2013 and do my best!