再见2012。。。欢迎2013^_^ / Bye bye 2012...Welcome 2013...

今天是2013年的第一天。。我问自己有什么感想呢？新的一年自己要做什么？ 有什么目标？毕竟自己年纪也不小了。。

2012年是个怎么样的年呢？我说是个很快的年。。回想去年的今天，我才刚回到马来西亚。今年的今天。。我得准备回印度了。。

2012也可以说充满压力的一年。。工作顺不顺利我都没办法决定。。要说不顺。。也其实不太糟糕。。要说很好嘛。。也不见的。。可能我人生有少少比一般人乐观。。自己的私生活。。也还蛮不错的。。当然没有之前的那么甜蜜。。但。还是很好。。

这趟回国。。发现很多东西不一样了。。我说的不一样是从我自己的感受出发。。因为其他人看起来没变。。但就是那种感觉很不一样了。。每次与朋友相见。。就是有一种说不出来的怪感觉。。有时觉得我曾经喜欢那样的事？的东西？话题曾经是这样的？

我知道这不可以怪任何人。。因为我在变。。而大部分人是没有与我经历我的改变。。这个过程很多时候都只有那一两个人在我的身边。。我哪有权力去责怪他人不明白我呢？

2013的我在想。。我接下来要做什么？要走怎样的路？印度的日子在2013就要画上句点。。一方面我已经答应公司我不再续约。。当然对自己而言。。自己知道是怎么一回事。。知道自己为什么不要再继续做下去。。有时候，很难解释为什么我要放弃眼前他们认为的好工作。。有时真的就不要解释。。他们爱怎么说就怎么说。。

今天，我的阿姨来访。。看到我在收拾回印度的东西，就开始在问，这也要带？这也要买？在我心里，我在想，你没有出国那么久，当然不明白为什么这也要带，这也要买。。因为，理所当然的，印度杂货店会有买！哈哈哈。。但，我不可以责怪她，因为她不明白。。

有人说，离家的孩子会特别想家。。以前，我都不那么认为。。因为从小我就到处跑。这边生活营，那边露营。。现在的我，真的很明白这一句话，当然也很赞成。。在家短短的3个星期。。感觉到自己没有办法陪父母亲的那种无奈。。他们真的老了。。虽然，在表面上，我常说无所谓，不在乎，但我知道，我在乎。。

在这里，我问自己，理想与父母，我选什么？有没有可能我可以两样都选都要？我会贪心吗？

2013年。。将会是充满人生抉择的一年。。有一点前途茫然的感觉。。但，我相信我一定可以走下去。。我不能让自己失望，更不能让关心我的人担心。。。

那就勇敢的面对2013t与我自己的将来！ 加油！ Today is the first day of 2013..I asked myself how do I feel? What do I want to achieve this year? I am not young anymore.. How was 2012? I would say 2012 was really fast!!! Last year today, I just came back for, India to Malaysia..but this year, I m preparing to go back... 2012 also was a stressful year..I cannot decide whether stressful is from my work..coz if my work is not very smooth and easy but also not too bad..may be I am a bit more positive with normal people..my personal life is pretty good too.. This annual leave back to Malaysia, there are a lot of funny feeling towards people around me..especially when I met with my old friends..this feeling became very heavy..sometime I asked myself, was I like that before? Those topics were the topics that I interested? Was I do stuff like that? I know I cannot blame anybody..because I am the one who had changed..and people that are here mostly weren't in my process of develope or grow.. 2013 of me thinking of, what do I want to do in the future? India life is going to come an end in 2013..where is my next destination? Even though had decided and agree with company that I am going to leave at September.. I know what are my personal reasonssss. Most of the time I try to explain to people that think my job is the most perfect in the universe that I want to leave my job..is very difficult..sometimes..I even lazy to try to explain..I just let them think what they want to... Today,my Aunt came and visited my mom..I was in the process trying to pack all the stuffs that I want to bring back to India..she saw a lot of stuffs and she said why you need to buy this or why you need to bring this? In my brain I was like..you won't understand why..because in your logic all this things will logically appear in supermarket in india! There is a Chinese saying that...children that left home for work or study or whatever reason will miss home very much..i never agree with this saying..when I was young, I always went camping and seminar..even during my university life..this wasn't that serious and I din realise that..but now..I really understand it..I agree with it very much..only about 3 weeks that I am home..I can feel the annoyed and frustration that I cannot spend more time with my parents..they really getting older..may be I always don show about my feeling..but I care..I do care! At this moment, I asked myself, what do I want?do I want to follow my dream or do I want to choose parents? I actually want to have both in my hand..do I greedy? I am sure that 2013 will be a year full of important decisions..it decide where. Am going to be next and what my next 10years going to look like..I am afraid!but I am sure,I can overcome all the challenge..I cannot let myself down. Especially those people that love me and care about me.. Let me bravely welcome 2013 and do my best!

特别的一天。。10月3 日。。 / A special day - 3 October

今天。。很特别! 怎么个特别呢？那。。就得从昨天开始说起。。
昨天，一位朋友打电话过来，说她压力很大，在聊天的过程中，50% 都在哭。。现在的我都忘了自己如何让她平静下来。。为了鼓励她迎接今天的到来。。我说我会打电话给她叫她起身。。她的时间早上七点。。我的时间3。30早上。。
今天早上。。当我正要打电话给她。。我的电话响了。。一接，只听到哭泣的声音。。她一直问我她是不是患上精神病了，还是压力太大。。虽然，当时的我不肯定发生什么事。。我只知道，我得让她冷静下来。。我一直告诉她，她只是压力太大。。这个对话，重复发生大约30分钟。。过后，她终于冷静下来。。过后，开始引导她说出什么事让她那么压力。这个过程大约用了2 小时。。过后，就什么都聊一下。。整个聊天过程，差不多4小时。。
挂之前，她说真的很感谢我那么帮她。。不然，他真的不知道该怎么办。。
挂了后，我自己在想。。在伦敦的时候，自己有想过想当coach。。经过这四小时的谈话，不知怎的，突然觉得自己是真的有潜能。。或许，我真的该想想。。自己到底对自己未来有什么期望。。
今天，绝对是有趣，有意义的一天！




Today is very special..how special is it? To talk about this special day..We need to go back to yesterday!
Yesterday, a friend called and she said she was very stressful..in the conversation, 50% of the conversation, she was just crying..Now, i cant remember how i make her calm down and feel better..anyway..to motivate her to get ready for today, i promised her that i will call her at 7am today..which mean 3.30am in my time..
Today, when i want to call her, my phone rang..I picked up the phone and everything that heard were she was crying and asked me whether she is mental or she just too stressful..At that point i have no idea what had happened, but i know i need to calm her down..So, i keep convince her that she is just too stressful..This conversation happened for 30 minutes...then she calm down..after this, i guide her to tell me what had happened..this whole process took us about 2 hours..then we just chit chat..the whole conversation was about 4 hours..
before we end the conversation, she kept say thank you and said she do not know what will happened if she never talk to me..
After this crazy long conversation, it remind me when i was in London, i said i would like to be a coach..now, i really feel like i do have the potential and i should really think about it!
Today is a very special day! Very meaningful day!

八月之感想 / interesting august

八月。。一个相当忙碌的月。。八月有个活动。。是叫DYP III。。。这个活动一开始就不顺利。。一开始就有麻烦。。常常这个不对。。那个不对。。我们尽量帮忙他们的学习。。那些所谓的大人。。却一点都没帮上忙。反而更糟！
过后，这组人的其中一个队员。。进了医院！！还是在CCU。。她在Sangam外面晕倒。。我们飞似的到医院去。。我的属下一直在帮忙。。那个领队。。就一直在哭。。根本帮不上忙。。接下来的几天。。更夸张。。这个领队不但没处理好他的队员在医院的事。。反而让我们添更多的麻烦。。她竟然让他的15个队员。。不准他们与其他人做朋友。。原因是。。其他女生。。他们化装。。穿着奇怪。。所以他们不是好孩子。。真是。。什么跟什么？？
真糟糕。。。虽然EOI IV后。我们都没办法忘记DYPＩＩＩ。。。
现在的我。。在想。。为什么那样糟糕的人都可以当领队？后来。。我们才知道他是决定谁可以出国。。谁可以参加国外的活动。。天啊！真是严重！！有时在想。。为什么ＫＡＮＡＳＡＩ　的人通常都有权利？有料的人都跑到那里去了？



August was a very busy month! We ran DYPIII and EOI IV..but..DYP III was exauting! this event wasnt smooth even in the very beginning! always this have problem..that have problem! we keep trying to help the group in their learning..but some of the adult just sucks..and make the situation even worst!
And then..1 of their group member fainted and need to go to hospital..she was in CCU..then we rushed to the hospital with the travel group leader..OMG! the travel group leader just keep crying and crying..wasnt helpful at all!!
things wasnt just stop there! we all crazy about the hospital case and the travel group leader make another complication!!! she ordered her group that they cannot be friend with other group member because according to her..they are weird..they wear make up and they din dress probably..so they are not good girl! seriously?????!!!
i am just thinking..why this kind of people can be a travel group leader? and she is also advisor in the council who decide which girl get opportunity to go where..she is such in culture shock and not able to recoginise it and refuse to do so!! why such sucks people still able have power in decision making?? where are those awesome people???

回忆 / Memories

今天，一直觉得怪怪的。。因为。。一直掉入回忆中。。这可以从昨天在ＰＰＳ找到‘男亲女爱’开始。。开始回忆中六的生活。。那段日子，可以说是最无忧无虑的日子。。后来上了大学。。虽然在那段日子找到了自己。。当然。。这过程是跌跌撞撞的。。感谢每个陪我走过这段日子的人。。不管你是鼓励我，安慰我，陪伴我，或是陷害我的人。。我都感谢。。因为。。这是我人生的历史。。
今天。。本来想早点休息。。没想到会遇到Ａ。。虽然只是在面子书上聊。。但。。回忆缺像丢了钥匙的宝盒，全部回忆倒了出来。。想起来。。都快２年没跟她联络。。虽然有时候会上她的面子书看看。。但。。通常都没什么。。
命运有时真的很奇怪。。很多东西，说变就变。。真的很难预测。。
好了。。今晚就到此为止。。该休息了。。




I kept feeling a bit weird today..because memories keep come to me! this started from last night where i found a drama that i used to watched when i was around 17 years old. I was Form 6 (government A-level)..i was so relax even though everybody said that exam is the most difficult exam year ever!
Then i went to university..even though i found myself at the time...the process wasnt easy...i really want to say thanks to all the people that left their mark in my life..either you motivated me, be with me, or you are the one who set me up and left me with mess..because that how my history of my life created!
i was planning to go bed early, but i met A in facebook..at that moment, my memories like a treasure box which lost its lock..all the memories just came out from it! its been 2 years i never talk to A.
Faith is really interesting..there so many changes everyday..every minutes..every seconds..really hard to predict..
Guess i should really go to bed!

人生是为了什么？

五月是个飞行的月。。四月的时候多么期待五月的来临。。因为五月头，我会到日本大概十天。。现在终于结束了。。结果在日本呆了十二天。。 这趟日本游。。不但只是旅游那么简单，也让我想通了些事。。 坦白说。。我那么期待日本游，因为工作压力与不满逐渐加大。。其实到了我没办法承受了。。本来不打算提起，不料却被朋友的母亲一眼看穿。。恐怖呀！我与她可是一年才见一次。。终于都发泄了。。可是，更预想不到的是，越发泄，我越不满。。我越生气。。幸运的是，有这个好朋友的开解。。心情是好多了。。但与c次同时，也做了个很坚决的决定。。这是我万万想不到的。。 现在的我在香港机场。。突然我问自己，我的人生到底是为了什么？接下来，我要做什么？ 我从来没想过27岁的我，爱情与事业，会有如此的成绩。。虽然不算上什么大成功，s但至少我满足与我所拥有的。。直到近期，做出了如此的决定。。我将来到底要做什么？wpo我不是为我自己而活。。我有我爱的人。。也有爱我的人。。 虽然短短12天的日本游，但却让我深深的爱上这个国家。。虽然这个国家在历史上，是个严重承受着世人指责的国家，但，我却喜欢上日本的历史，文化，风俗，礼貌，四季，等等。。我从昨天开始一直在吵说，我不要离开日本。。当然工作的压力是其中一个原因。。也或许是因为朋友家人的款待。。让我如此的喜欢日本。。 我也在想，我的工作是我的一切。。我从来没想过，我要抛弃我的工作。。可是，此趟旅程，让我有这样的想法。。我突然在想，工作真的是人生的大部分。。不能想象如果，一个人不喜欢他的工作，他的生活会是如何的呢？ 太多的想法。。可是，我没时间处理这些。。真的只可以一路向前。。我只有两天的工作时间，过后，我又得飞到伦敦受训。。可是这个五月，真的让我诚实的面对自己。。 我！要做自己。。我！要为我自己打算。。大爱就暂时收起来。。面对这个压力但奇妙的世界。。 日本人说 ganbateh! 华人说话加油！ 英国人说keep it up!

一家人 / family

当我们说家人。。会让你想起什么呢？ 爸爸，妈妈，哥哥，姐姐，弟弟，婆婆，公公，阿姨，姨丈，姑姑，等等。。这些人，一定跟你有血缘关系。。只是看有多亲。。可是，对我来说，家人不止这些。。在sangam工作，由于工作在一起，住也在一起。。所以大家的感情都特别好。。今天是intern的欢送会。我们通常都会到外面吃晚餐。。特别想提的是，每个人都很享受。。大家有说有笑。。互相分享。坦白说，有一天得离开这大家庭，真的会有难度。。真的很享受这样的生活方式。每个人都会关心每个人。。每一件事都是大家合作，努力向目标前进。。没有人是自私的。。真的很棒！ When we mention family,what will come through your mind? Mom,dad,grandpa,grandma,auntie, uncle,sister,brother?all this people must have some blood relatin with u..but, to me, it is not only this..working in sangam,it's unique,because we all work together and stay together in a same place. That's why our relationship is really close..today is intern farewell day,normally we go for dinner out when we have farewell..I really enjoy tonight..everybody sharing and take care of each others..everybody are working towards the same goals all the time! So awesome.. I love here!

责任?! / responsibities?

话说。。3个月前，很幸运的升职了！名号可不简单，Deputy World Centre Manager : Programme! 但看长度，真的很长。。还记得得到通知的那天！超开心的。。当然，家人也很开心。记得我还告诉母亲说，升是升了，工钱也升了。。但，责任将会升得更严重！果然不出我所料，真的严重。。今天，突然觉得自己真的适合这分工作吗？ 或许今天只是低潮。。可是工作量。。真的不可思议的多！
我想，是时候坐下来好好想。在这接下来的日子，到底要怎样渡过？工作量要如何安排？不允许再让他人失望。。也不准再让自己失望！
加油！



3 months ago, i got promoted! As a Deputy World Centre Manager : Programme! just read the title..its so so long.. I remembered that day when i got the news, i was so happy! even my family! I remembered i told my mom, yes! i got promoted..the paid also got promoted..also the responsibilities also got promoted! As i said, the responsibilities are really unbelieveable high! today, i have this funny thought..Do I suitable to this job? May be today just a negative day for me..
anyway...its self evaluation time. I need to think about what i want to do next and how i want to delegates my tasks and how i can do it better?
i cannot disappointing others and also myself!
keep it up!